I’m not breaking new ground here, calling this perhaps the greatest achievement in film-making of all time, but it’s fresh (no pun intended) on my mind so I wanted to revisit it with the benefit of hindsight.
I was up Saturday morning with my 3 year old daughter. She has dance lessons at 10:15 or as they call it, “creative movement”, so yes, it’s basically just a chance to dress them up in cute little dance clothes and let them jump somewhere until the weather turns. At about 8:30, I turn on the TV and as I’m scrolling, I see that “Breakin” is on (as in Electric Bugaloo – is there another movie where you have to reference the second one to have people understand you’re talking about the first? I can’t think of one) and in an act of extraordinary parenting, I say to myself, “I’m going to get her jacked up for dancing by letting her watch this.” In retrospect, yes, this is demented and I half-knew going in that unless Dora was up there poppin’ and lockin’, her attention is going to wane pretty quick.
Needless to say, my daughter’s part in this story began and pretty much ended there as she (fortunately) found better things to do immediately. So there I was, watching “Breakin’” and an unholy sense of wonder and horror set in, the way only an 80s movie can make you feel and I realized at that moment how history would reflect upon this cinematic gem as the standard by which all other dance movies should be measured. There are several primary elements of historical intrigue that need to be discussed.
Along the lines of the “Three Men and a Baby” tuxedo ghost boy and the hanging munchkin in “The Wizard of Oz”, perhaps the most colossal exhibition of comedy by an extra who would one day be a star is that of Jean-Claude Van Dam in “Breakin”. When O-Zone is showing Kelly street-dancin’ at its finest and there’s the dude with the metal crutches busting out some crazy moves, rounding out the circle is Jean-Claude Van Dam wearing what appears to be a wrestling singlet, SO FUCKING INTO IT, it’s absurd. And just when you think he’s going to fade into the rest of the group, he reappears, clapping, arms in the air, dancing just like he did in “Kickboxer” except he’s not supposed to be drunk and he doesn’t have the benefit of some 89 other minutes of kicking the crap out of Tong Po and trees and stuff. It is so hypnotic. I didn’t want it to end.
Christopher MacDonald is in this movie and it made me think about what it would be like to be Christopher MacDonald and act in like, a hundred movies, and have no one know your name (except dorks like me) other than Shooter MacGavin. Do people ask him all the time if he really does eat pieces of shit for breakfast? Point here is that this movie is in 1984 and he’s the older, sorta agent, for Kelly. So how old is Christopher MacDonald? This movie was 26 years ago. I always thought of him as a young dude. He’s actually 55, which is younger than I initially thought while writing this. Okay, maybe this one just affects me. Nonetheless, Shooter MacGavin in this movie, people.
Ice T is the rapper at the dance off and does a really, really vanilla rap at the end which I will discuss in a minute. What hasn’t Ice T done and at what point was he an actual pimp, because he was a legit dude back in the day? He’s 52.
Breakin’ actually revealed the existence and absurdity of dance-offs, yet this wasn’t exploited until “You’ve Been Served” or whatever the Hell that movie is called. A main plot point in Breakin’ is that O-Zone and Turbo are dancing one day and kinda get challenged but they walk away but then O-Zone comes around so they “train”, pick up Kelly to offset the ugly broad on the other side and come out “victorious” during the ”club” scene. Seriously, I could quote every other word in this review. Why is it evident that someone wins a dance off and the other person loses? During the club party where the “battle” goes down, I thought it was pretty even. And then O-Zone, Turbo and Kelly line up and do some crazy run and leap at the evil dancers like it was clear as day they’d won.
The main characters are the worst/best casting choices ever, chosen solely for dancing prowess. Seriously, you couldn’t get anyone better than O-Zone? He makes Gregory Hines look like Michael Clarke Duncan, except he dresses like a cross between Zorro and Olivia Newton John. Is there supposed to be some sex appeal with that guy? Johnny Castle, he’s not.
I fucking hate Turbo, dancing aside, because he’s much more than a pop/lock guy. I know he’s supposed to be cheeky and represent the rebellious youth of street culture but he’s just a creep. When he’s tasting the hors d’ouevres at the snooty dance event, you can hardly even enjoy how poorly acted it is. It was like it was out of an episode of “Voyage of the Mimi” (if anyone gets this, it’s worth it).
I think of Kelly as a young, brunette agent Scully before she hooked up with Mulder. And for this, she gets a pass.
So here’s the other thing about the main characters, Kelly aside - they have nicknames that aren’t O-Zone and Turbo! Respectively, it’s “Shabba Doo” and “Bugaloo Shrimp”. Just…why?!
Finally, because this is too long already, the last rap. What was it about rap back then that was socially responsible and educational? Did NWA usher in the era where it’s all about money, booty, killing stuff, and whatever? Ice T’s ”rap talkin’” at the end of this movie is something The Fresh Prince would have thought lame. All about kids and dreams and overcoming obstacles and realizing potential and giving people a chance, regardless of appearance… who wants to hear about that shit? And he ends it with, “wait for part 2″ and they flash a coming soon, “Electric Bugaloo” – the new dance sensation graphic. They greenlighted a sequel before this went out?!
I miss the 80s, early 90s. Everything was so, just so… stupid. And glorious. Now excuse me while a break down some cardboard in my office and go all JCVD on it.
*** Fair Warning….this is a long post!***
2.) Queering the Narrative - Out of all the comments I have seen on other blog posts and message boards about “Telephone,” the one that keeps coming up was during the Exercise Yard scene outside of the prison where Lady Gaga and another inmate kissed. What drove people crazy was the fact that they could not pin-point the gender identity (and hence assumed sexual identity) of the other inmate. This points to identity as fluid, but also queering the assumed sexual narrative of visual texts. We assume two people kissing in a heterosexual context, almost always. Yet, this is an all-women’s prison? But the other inmate looks kind of masculine, or at least androgynous. So, is Gaga kissing a woman, or man? Or trans? This drives people nuts is because they need to know the biological, sexual and gender identities of others to therefore know how to judge and treat them. Lady Gaga in this case is throwing that all in your face. Once again, you do not get to box her in, or the visuals she is representing. 
3.) Reversing the “Male Gaze” - Called the “male gaze,” “pornographic,” or “patriarchal gaze,” this is a way of understanding and seeing media and stories from a heterosexual, male’s perspective (usually white and middle-class as well.) In this narrative, (which is standard issue in our culture,) sees women as objects, peripheral to the male story line, male progression and ultimate growth. Women in texts are only there as eye candy, to prove male heterosexuality, or as obstacles for men to defeat and dominate by domestication or death.
4.) Transgression, Prison for Bitches, & Lesbians - If you missed it, on screen as Gaga is being taken to prison is the date and name of the place where she is being held called “Prison for Bitches.” This small, but extremely significant part of the video cannot be underestimated. The video itself is a continuation of “Paparazzi” where Gaga murders her abusive boyfriend, and in the end is having her mug shots taken. As “Telephone” opens, we see her in her pinstripe glory being taken into the “Prison for Bitches” by two rather buff, femme-fatale prison guards.
As Gaga passes by the other cells in the prison, us the viewers hear other inmates sneering and calling out to Gaga. We get the sense that they sexually want Gaga, or at least as sexually attracted to women, because why wouldn’t a whole bunch of women, alone together in prison be lesbians right? Patriarchal society fears the idea of women being together, congregating, because they might start talking, and realize how crappy life is for them and revolt. The fear of female rebellion runs deep in our culture. These women in prison, with its lesbian undertones, harken to second wave womyn’s movements of separatism and female solidarity by literally and physically secluding themselves from men. In this prison, women are forcefully segregated over their shared transgressions against femininity. Lesbians fall into this category, because they are not attracted to men, hence break the heteronormativity mandate of our culture. Gaga also breaks femininity mandates by murdering her boyfriend, as well as, rumors of her being intersex. To which, she makes note of via exposing her genitals, albeit blurred, and the prison guards lamenting doesn’t have a “dick.” This small statement is a slap in the face at the pop culture rumor machine, but also at the idea that what makes a woman a woman is her “lack of a dick.” This is what women are in our culture, a sum of “what they lack” in accordance to men, who are considered the norm. Women are women because they are NOT men. 
Excerpt ~ Def 1000 songs: “The son of legendary jazz trumpeter Don and the brother of proto-alternative singer Neneh, Eagle-Eye Cherry has obviously been affected by music ever since his childhood. Growing up in Sweden and later New York (and often touring with his father), he played drums and attended the School of Performing Arts in Manhattan. Despite a growing interest in theatre, he began writing songs in 1994 and performed in a band for awhile. Signed to Sony’s Work Records in early 1996, Cherry spent two years readying his album bow, Desireless. His half-sisters Neneh Cherry and Titiyo are also successful musicians, and his step-brother Will Marsden is a successful under-21 British tennis player” …… m0re
Need more information on the song “Save Tonight“? Here are some SongFacts for you to ponder over! Click here > Fact Stuff
Official Website for Eagle Eye Cherry @ This addy & for other Information/Biography click this link > Here ~ crowbarred [because power is knowledge]
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